You bring into your marriage past baggage, ugly and unresolved. You might not have the tools to deal with your own baggage but now you added more and you’ll be unpacking it all in no time. The unpacking may take years or explode one day in a passionate conversation. You might even proclaim loudly, “What, I didn’t sign up for this!” or “that’s not my issue.” Guess what, it’s yours now!
MARRIAGE BRINGS A LOT WITH IT
Marriage brings along with it so many elements such as newness, sex and intimacy, family dynamics, spiritual growth, divorce, hurts and personalities. Take sex for instance, few things are more exciting and dangerous. You’ll have many preconceived ideas and philosophies on this issue alone that will directly impact how you approach it.
There is the “happily ever after myth” that certainly didn’t come from the Bible, but it’s your expectation and I bet it isn’t working out. Then there is the “I anticipated this would happen” which rarely unfolds the way you desire. Let’s not forget preconceived ideals, previous wrongs that you did or didn’t know about the other person and the famous “unspoken” ideals, child hood trauma, or behavior patterns that imprison on another. Then the idea that the other person is just supposes to read your mind. Yeah, that one! Maybe for you it is “my spouse will make me better” or your low self regard, or your conflict management skills, or “the way you always did it” which doesn’t match your spouses way of doing things.
IT WON’T GET BETTER UNLESS YOU START
Perhaps in a way marriage is God’s way to help or sharpen our being. It can’t get any better unless you learn how to unpack the baggage that you both bring to the table. I guess that is the true glue to the communication element of marriage, the freedom that it brings when there is no more secrets, no more judging each others, the grace you share when it is needed because lets face it, you’re really no better and you both can’t pretend if it’s going to be a healthy marriage.
Whether you are scared or not, you’ll be forced to unpack it all. Unpacking is shedding the hypercritical-self righteous mask, leaving you utterly vulnerable. But I promise the communication and trust will build an unbreakable bond in your marriage. It will help you understand the why behind your spouse. It will give explanation to why they have the thought process they have or why they do what they do.
Figure this out! We tend to love the way we need loved. Here is the problem; your spouse has a different love language. She may need to hear something differently than you are delivering it. Learn to speak the language the listener needs to hear and when you listen, don’t let your background trap you.
Even a good marriage has misunderstandings, disagreements and offenses. We all need to feel worthwhile and forgiven. Remember that. Your spouse needs it to.
Too often we restrict so much in ourselves with walls that really don’t exist. When you find that you aren’t restricted in your marriage, no longer tied to your baggage, the freedom will help your marriage soar!