There was a time in my life that I pursued and pursued. I just wanted to conquer my world! It led to burn out. I didn’t feel like I was where I should have been professionally (where is that anyway?) and that I wasn’t equipped enough to get there. At first I complained about it. I felt a little sorry for myself (for a second) but mostly fought harder to get what I wanted. There were little things inside haunting me, telling me I wasn’t good enough. The little voice wouldn’t shut it’s mouth.
A popular song by Tenth Avenue North had lyrics that clearly described my state at the time. “My heart is heavy…I’ve made mistakes, I’ve let my hope fail and my soul is crushed. I know you can give me rest.” It was in that worn out state, I finally surrendered to the One who commands the oceans and shed His innocent blood for me. I called out to the master physician. The song goes on to put it this way….“I’m too weak and I know You can give me rest, so I cry out with all I have left, let redemption win, let me know this struggle ends, that you can take a heart that is frail and torn, cause I’m worn.
Why do we think we are some type of a super hero anyway? Why do we think we can be our own god? I have met leaders, pastors, coaches, parents and business professionals that all struggle with this performance based identity. It is eroding us from the inside out.
God began to work in my life and show me that it was only a life focused on ‘Christ in me’ that was going to solve my worn out state. Left to our own strength we’ll continue for a while, but sooner or later, our performance based pursuits will lead to burn out and zero contentment.
What I ultimately was looking for was contentment and peace over anything else. Isn’t that what most really want. He gave me just that and it all started when I admitted I was just worn out.
If we live in pursuit of our own desires, it will lead to defeat. Satan wants to keep you occupied according to the desires of your heart. God is asking you with an open, repentant, humble, broken spirit, Lord, teach me, so I may change to be more like You. Teach me to follow You and not my own personal desires.