I grew up in Christian youth group, school, home and church. I went on to Bible College and got a Masters in Christian counseling. I had filled my mind with deep theology, memorized many verses and attended church regularly. I believed I was serving God living a life of faith. It all became an illusion, an intellectual replacement for real faith, but at the time, I didn’t even recognize it.
As different events and relationships happened in my life my beliefs were tested. I looked the part but didn’t have the power I needed. I’d go so far as to say, if you would have challenged me on my faith I would have quickly risen to my defense. Life looked beautiful but the under current was unpredictable and volatile.
I continued to have my faith challenged, growing a bit, but seemingly surviving not thriving. Each served as a inner floodlight exposing my pride and lack of authentic biblical faith. Faith isn’t natural for any of us. We tend to rest on our own understanding and our past experiences. Worry and fear come natural. We trust ourselves to figure out the next step, relying on our strength. That is where God begins to sanctify us and turn our little baby minds to mature people of faith. But first I had to acknowledge my pride and fickle faith. I had to submit to His process for my faith to mature. My hope is not my faith. His transforming grace is what gives me faith.
God has used marriage, ministry and experiences in my life to expose my weaknesses and my immature faith. Of course, along the way, I worked hard to deny this in my life. I internally pointed to my acts of righteousness to puff up my delusion. I denied the sinful roots inside that fueled my pride and delusions of deep faith. I simply wrote it off as one who was using my God-given skills. But things only got worse. I would serve in the church, then quit while I wrestled internally. I became a case study on weak faith and deep rooted pride.
I am definitely a different person sitting here today. But I am so far from where I want to be. Sanctification is a life long process for the Christian. Thankfully, God is still working on my life. The difference is that I am learning to surrender. I know now, more than ever, my faith growth is only because of His gracious work.
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David is a father, husband, business owner, and ministry leader. He is Founder and Director of a Hope 2 Offer, an Iowa non-profit, focused on counseling and public speaking and a Basketball Skills Development Instructor, since 1994.
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