While Momma Still Knew My Name

There comes a time in your life that you realize you are watching it all slip away. The years literally and rapidly pass by in front of your face. Dying is very personal. No matter how many people try and give you advice about death, there is none that seems to fit your own mom’s situation. I wasn’t prepared.

DEEP LIFE LESSONS

As I watched my kind mom walk the Alzheimer road, I reflected many times on her life. Yes, the disease is unforgiving, but I won’t remember her as she died. There were just too many great things about her. She lived well. Before she was too far gone, she looked at me and my wife and said, if I lose my mind, remember that I love you very much. I cherished that moment. I reminisced with her about how she made my lunch, kissed me off to school, tucked me in bed, rubbing my arm and back with those soft hands. She had a tender way about her.

While death is very personal and feels alone, remember you are not alone. All the feelings of being in control are stripped when one watches the slow fade. It’s actually frightening. We need help. There is no sense going it alone.

A good cry is just good. I’ve never been afraid to cry. Crying is transformative. Tears are a message worth listening to. Perhaps that is what I love about them the most. They say so much as they flow. No words are needed. It’s also when the Holy Spirit intercedes so tenderly. If you cry on another’s behalf, don’t worry about what the other people are thinking or dealing with it, just cry.

I learned how to deal and engage with new feelings. I wasn’t annoyed that I felt them, but they were intense and uncomfortable at times. I felt them all anyway. I think fighting them makes them last longer. Feel them all. They teach you great lessons.

Make the most of every day. I got to walk with mom, listen to her, eat with her, play games and look at her closely in the face and take in her beauty. She really was a beautiful person inside and out. She’d reach out on occasion and simply hold my hand. I remembered those silky-smooth hands as a child. They had such power to calm me with one touch, even to the end.

One day, working a cognitive exercise with her, she struggled to pick out letters to make her name, she stopped, looking tired and said to my wife and I, ‘this is love right here’. We soaked it up as we just looked at her with a smile. Even at that moment momma felt love. It was a memory marker I’ll not forget. Life is short. Slow down, don’t miss the moments.

Care for people was mom’s way of life. Even toward the end she wanted to care for people and visit others. She had a life of service that ran through her blood. Her life was about others. She wanted to share her food, making sure you had enough. Her desire to help around the house was there even when she physically was limited. Her servant heart motivates me.

Be grateful. Mom taught me as a young child to write thank you notes. I still write notes to those around me. Do you have a heart of gratitude? I had to find ways to be grateful toward the end of mom’s life. Thankfully, she stayed sweet till the end.

Of course, there are bad days we all face, but gratefulness gets our eyes off ourselves and focuses on investing in others. Mom did just that, multiple times a day. I am grateful how the end of her life reminded me to touch other people’s lives. It sure beats being selfish.

I am grateful I was able to say goodbye. I’ve always hated goodbyes… hated them! But this one taught me deep lessons. Since she accepted Christ as her Savior mom is now with the One that she adored and lived for. Up to the end, she was able to smile peacefully when she heard the scriptures read to her and the sound of old hymns. Truly, the peace of God surpasses all understanding and guarded her heart until the end.

I said at the start, I wasn’t prepared for her death. I did find out that resilience is a great teacher. Even though death seems out of our control, I found the lessons that will serve me well in other situations. Death helped me grow.

Mom spent a lot of time in the Word and she prayed for people every morning. It was her priority, her joy, her fuel, and one of her gifts. The prayers we pray say a lot about the faith we possess. And she had unshakable faith. 

Through her actions, she taught me that when we attempt to fulfill ourselves by placing our faith in anything other than God, we always will come up empty. God does not disappoint. She’d tell me often, “I believe God listens, pray it through“.

Momma may be gone from this earth, but I will carry many things she taught me, and pass them to my children.

David is a father, husband, business owner, and ministry leader. He is Founder and Director of a Hope 2 Offer, an Iowa non-profit, focused on counseling and public speaking and a Basketball Skills Development Instructor, since 1994.